The Only Heart I Lost…

It’s like being back from the dead to typing this blog. My fingers are pressing the keys very fast but my mouth is stuttering for the words I am about to write. Life has been miserable for the past few weeks. I am suffering from this deadly disease which has an impossible cure. Yes, a disease of broken heart. Maybe I take things too deeply or maybe people will say I am a bit over reacting but when true love is lost, for me, there is no meaning to life. Maybe there is a way to mend or replace this heart or just maybe someone will come to ease this pain but I don’t want that to happen. Life will not be the same without her or with others. If people ask me, “Why into her so much? There are lots of fishes in the ocean.” I wouldn’t know what to say. Clearly I don’t know much about love then. I don’t know why I love her so much.

But the thoughts of her that run across my mind restlessly is love then yes, I love her. She made me a better person, maybe that is why I love her. I feel alive when I am with her. She makes me feel I am living in a parallel world where love is the motto and happiness is the objective and we live there. She is the first person I think about when something nice happens to me. All these reasons with some unwritten feelings and just maybe my love is true. If I am not convinced of my love towards her then how can she be. So my love for her was never convincing. She never took me seriously. She had that turtle hard shell protecting her and would continuously say, “I can never fall for you.” It has been a month and 4 days that we haven’t talked. I know she misses me but she won’t say a word. She must be happy. But my state is wretched. This broken heart can not see my happiness. If I don’t stay strong, it will have me dead in seconds. The more I try not to think about her, she comes like an angel to my mind. I suppress those feelings with hatred but I can never hate her. I just miss her so much.

Now if not for her but for myself, I will prove that my love is true. Perhaps she will come back someday. I believe so. 🙂 “When true love is lost, life can bleed of all meaning. We are left blank. But the possibility of destiny remains. What we are meant for may yet be discovered. And once is a very long while, that journey to find our destiny may defeat even time itself.” I love this quote from the movie “Winter’s Tale”. The possibility still remains. 😀

Loneliness Conquers…

Hi there readers. Long time eh? But I am back to the blog with my frenetic style of writing. This post is about an incident which happened after my last blog which is like recently. I went to my maternal Uncle’s place for a short vacation but as of all those strikes and “bomb threats”, my short holiday became long and of course I was happy about that. My uncle lives in Pokhara, Nepal. One of the most beautiful place of Nepal where many tourists visit every year. But the main attraction of all is the Phewa Lake. A beautiful lake situated south of Pokhara Valley with pristine view and a temple in between the lake like a cherry on top.

I used to go to the lakeside with my cousin to his office. He owns a travel agency there. I would stay there making brochures and posters for his new office and he had his own works to do. So I was lonely. Few days it was fun to work but I realized that a monotonous life in an office is boring. Then one day I put on my earphone, took the mountain bike of office and went for cycling. Oh it was so much exciting. I was tired because I was riding for an hour now and had to sit down. I went down towards the lake. There is a walking path along the lake for a short distance. I sat down there and kept my bike aside. That day I had something in mind which I don’t want to share here. Lets name it “The Thought”. But that thing was bugging me if I should do it or not. I was listening to music and enjoying the beautiful scenery. I was alone there. My loneliness was my strength. Many conclusions were running through my mind about “The Thought”.

All of a sudden, I head a voice saying, “Isn’t it beautiful?” Even though my earphones were on and the beats were high, I heard that. I turned left and saw a girl sitting next to me. She said, “Hi! Why are you sitting here alone?” and I replied with a smile, “Because I like it.” She was a foreigner of about my age. We started to talk and I told her about “The Thought.” She started to help me think. A lot of suggestion were being fired towards me. Why it was right that I should do it and I kept thinking about it. Finally gazing towards the lake for a long time and after a pause I said, “I’ll do it” and turned left. She was gone. Maybe she said bye but I couldn’t hear her or maybe I stared for a long time and totally ignored her. I stayed two long hours there and my phone rang. It was my cousin and he wanted me in his office right away. Those couple of hours were very precious to me. The thing which was bugging me was fixed and I came to a conclusion that I will do it because I had nothing to lose. And I did that thing the day. The response were negative but I have no regrets. Things will change one day. 🙂

Friendship Makes You Skip Grades!

Childhood! What an amazing time that was. That love and affection from each and every person in your life. That chubby cheeks you have and teenage girls just pinch them softly because you’re that cute.  I had the same kind of childhood. After my father’s transfer to the capital city, I joined Class UKG in a school nearby where we lived. I barely remember my first day at school  but what I remember is, I was lost on my way home because my siblings were too busy to pick me up and totally forgot about me.  Well, I’ll write what happened when I was lost some other time.

School was pretty much fun. I was always among the top three students of the class and that feeling was heavenly. Other than that, the most exciting feeling was to have 3 lovely friends. Abijit, Robin and Deepa. Robin and Deepa were cousins. Abijit lived 15 minutes away from my house. All four of us were too close. I understand Deepa was a girl and she sometimes didn’t have lunch or play with us but Abijit, Robin and I were like inseparable. Even on holidays I went to Abijit’s house and we played that marvelous Hot Wheels’ Cars. Boy, that moment was convivial. After class 1, Abijit skipped a grade and was in class 3. Me and Robin were still in class 2 and that fun was over. A senior would not walk with us for sure. I felt sad much more than Robin because Abijit was too close to me. Maybe that was a childish sadness but I felt what real friendship was that year. Missing the one you are so close to. His ignorance as he was a senior. After the results were out, I came 2nd as usual and returned home and told my father, “Daddy, I want to go to class 4 now.” He was amazed by what I told him. He had some talks with the HeadMistress and she approved for that. I was the happiest child on earth that day. I will be sitting next to Abijit in the same class again. I still don’t know why Robin never skipped a grade to be with us. He was also an ace of our class.

Nobody knows the actual meaning of real friendship. But that friendship made me skip a grade!